my brain froze

Maybe froze isn’t the right word. It just stopped. I was completely dumb-founded. And it doesn’t make sense really, because we had been trying to get pregnant for about 8 months. So 8 months of looking at the calendar and anxiously awaiting the end of each month, and I still wasn’t prepared for those 2 pink lines. It’s happened only twice before, when Jeff asked me to marry him, and when Angela told me she was pregnant. Both were totally unexpected and rendered me completely stupified. I acted like an idiot. My brain just wouldn’t register what was happening.

That’s how it was this time. I saw the lines and just froze. I don’t even know what I was thinking. All I could do was pace, but it wasn’t a nervous pace. It was like those times you walk into the kitchen and suddenly stop because you’ve forgotten why you were there. I just didn’t know how to get to the bed to tell Jeff. Finally I managed to climb in next to my sick and sleeping husband.

“You need to go in the bathroom, ” or “There’s something you need to see in the bathroom.” I said something like that. I was aware that those words made it sound like there was some kind of bug or something that he needed to get rid of. But after he woke up, he looked at me and he just knew.

I’m just thawing now. I’m 11 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

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